What does belonging mean to you? What do you see?
Perhaps you envisage community; a group of which you are part. A space where you fit; square peg – square hole. A common thread. A shared ‘language’. A sense of home. The experience of being loved, accepted, valued. Safety.
Sounds attractive.
Belonging is described as a need as essential to our survival as food and shelter; that the desire for connection is hard-wired into the fabric of our being.
The path to belonging, however, can be perilous and we are at risk of getting a little lost both in the search for and in the holding onto. If belonging provides safety, we will seek it at all costs. We will also protect it diligently against invasion. That common thread, that comfort of a shared language can become demarcation lines; a determinant of who’s in and who’s out. If the shape of our vacancy is square, only square applicants are permitted entry. Those of a different shape are regarded with suspicion and rejected.
What does this do to those seeking inclusion?
If the need to belong is strong enough, we may try to match the brief. We allow ourselves to be moulded into the desired shape; allow parts of ourselves to be sliced off, reconfigured, silenced. We resign ourselves to the shallow experience of being accepted only for as long as we are the ‘same as’. We hide our stripes under a leopard print coat and we swelter. We become shape-shifters, chameleons; fitting in with our environment and losing ourselves in the process. We pay the ultimate price.
Can we stretch the vision a little?
Imagine community that greets the newcomer with genuine acceptance. Rather than meeting them at the door with the standard uniform, code of conduct and contract to sign, we welcome them in and allow them to keep their own clothes. We make room for difference, recognising that difference brings richness and expands our experience of what it is to be human. The essence of the individual is respected rather than feared. We view community as a jigsaw puzzle. Each piece is shaped differently and has a space that is perfectly designed for it alone. Without each unique piece, the picture is incomplete and not nearly as beautiful.
Is that your experience of belonging?
If it is, allow the authentic connection you are fortunate enough to be experiencing to give you the courage to be on the lookout for lonely travellers.
If it’s not, can I encourage you to keep searching. After all, what would you rather be – a square peg or a one of a kind puzzle piece?
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Image by Jan Krause from Pixabay