As I have shared with people that I work as a counsellor, it has struck me that there are some confusing ideas out there as to what the counselling relationship looks like, ideas such as;
“Oh, so you just sit and listen to people?”
“Do you give advice?”
“I guess it’s good for someone to see you if they don’t have anyone else they can talk to.”
Do these ideas capture the essence of the counselling relationship? Is a counsellor a random person who listens to people who have no-one else to talk to and tells them what they should do? Allow me to dig a little deeper and offer my perspective.
For me, an essential element of the counselling relationship is offering and providing another with space; a unique space, some would say a sacred space. What defines this space is a sense of safety where a person has the freedom to explore themselves and their lives. Yes, it is a listening space; I listen to the other using all of my senses. I hear and feel the client’s words, their emotions, I sense their bodily reactions. Then, as we work together, I invite the client to also hear, experience and know themselves.
This exploration itself is sacred work. Picture a labyrinth; from the outer path, the way twists and turns upon itself as the traveller moves ever closer to the centre. Applying this metaphor to the counselling process, this twisting journey holds moments of clarity and confidence as new discoveries are made and understanding grows. It can feel frustrating when the path turns and the traveller feels they are going backwards. There can also be times of confusion and fear when the steps become painful, shrouded and uncertain.
Where am I as the traveller negotiates the labyrinth? Have I sent them in alone with a set of directions? Am I racing ahead, yelling instructions over my shoulder or already standing impatiently at the centre, waiting for the traveller to ‘catch up’? I am in none of these places. I am beside, traversing the terrain with them.
As we navigate our way together, there may be times where I may suggest we stop awhile and take our time to more thoroughly explore the section of the path we are on. The traveller is free to accept my invitation to stay a while, or they may prefer for us to keep moving ahead. My responsibility as the guide, if you like, is to be familiar with the landscape we are crossing. This is where my counselling training and experience comes into play. It provides the map with landmarks to look out for, the places that are worth investigating, the beautiful vistas to experience and ways to keep the traveller supported and safe through the trickier sections of the path. It is not so much about ‘telling’ them the way, rather, it is accompanying them in a manner that will deepen and expand their experience of the path.
What is the counselling relationship? It’s partaking in a process of discovery and exploration of self, with another, in a place of support and safety. Are you curious to explore the labyrinth?
For more information about the counselling process, or to enquire about accessing my support as a counsellor, please click here.